


Forget Tonight

by Summerofsnowflakes



Category: Blindspotting (2018), Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF, Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Gen, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, Triggers, bay boys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28777218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Summerofsnowflakes/pseuds/Summerofsnowflakes
Summary: After reuniting after months apart Daveed and the reader navigate the difficulties of panic attacks.This story is centred around anxiety and includes a graphic panic attack. Please don’t read this if you feel it may trigger you.
Relationships: Daveed Diggs & You, Daveed Diggs/Reader, Daveed Diggs/You
Kudos: 7





	Forget Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> So this is very personal and the reason I took so long with it is because it was quite difficult to encapsulate and write about anxiety. I know everyone’s anxiety manifests differently but this is a small glimpse into mine.

It had been four months since the last time you and Daveed had seen each other, he was currently in Vancouver filming the next installment of Snowpiercer. You both hated these long periods without seeing one another, but it came with the territory of being in a relationship with a famous dude. You had been together for a few years now but you had known each other for so many more years. You had met in college and It was your typical friends to lovers story, but it took you both time to recognize you were meant to be together. You had been in the background for all of his important moments and he had been there for yours too, It was inevitable that you would end up together but it always happened that you were in right person at the wrong time. So, after all theses years it would be an understatement to say that the two of you had perfected the long distance thing. You were both able to read each other's feelings by a simple text, you knew when to pull back and when to hold on tighter; most importantly, you had learnt how to avoid the unnecessary fights. With that being said, going months and months without seeing one another and not being able to touch each other was incredibly hard. There was only so much comfort that you can gain from a text or a longing facial expression frozen in place because of poor internet connection. Out of the two of you, you certainly struggled more with this. You were a person who needed a random hug, a chaste forehead kiss or a silent hand squeeze, especially when you were having a bad mental health day. 

Another thing you had learnt after a few years of on and off long distance was the importance of having something to look forward to. This was the main reason that you used the majority of your holiday to spend time flying back and forth to wherever your Daveed was at that point in the year. You knew when he was filming it was almost impossible for him fly home and it was a sacrifice you were wiling to make, because at the end of the day it wasn't really a sacrifice. That is why you were in Vancouver in mid-November, one of the rainiest months of the year. However, as you laid on the plushy hotel bed on your front with just a thin white sheet covering your lower half, staring at the man you loved, who you was all smiles after reacquainting yourselves with each other's bodies, the miserable weather felt well worth it. A small shiver ran down your spine as Daveed traced soft patterns along your skin. 

The remnants of heavy breathing continued as you laid silently trying to not to let your anxiety of the evening ahead take control of you and the look on your face told Daveed where you were without need to say it out loud. "Penny for your thoughts beautiful." He murmured and placed a soft kiss to bare your shoulder. You only shook your head at him, not trusting your voice to hold out right now. You didn’t want to burst the bubble of perfection that had been created moments ago and you certainly didn't want to tell him that you wanted to cancel the plans for tonight. When the cast had found out you were visiting they had set out a bar crawl around the city, it had been planned for weeks now and you didn't want to ruin things because of your anxiety. You had met the cast so many times before, so there was no real reason for this to be happening. If anything that made you feel worse because you were comfortable around them. You felt the panic rising in your stomach as these thoughts flew round and round in your head. It was dizzying. 

With your mind racing a mile a minute, you had almost forgotten that Daveed was still by your side. He had been watching your face contort in fear and panic as you struggled with your own thoughts and he felt helpless to the situation. He knew a panic attack was potentially on the cards right now and he wanted to do everything he could to prevent it or help you through it. Unfortunately, as you had both found out in the past that is not how mental health works. Sometimes he just had to stand back and let you ride out the storm alone. He bought his hand up to your cheek and caressed it slowly and he loved that you nestled your face into his hand and he smiled softly at you. 

The switched flipped so quickly, just as Daveed thought he had been helping was the moment that you shot out of bed and locked yourself in the bathroom. You were trying to shield him from the messiness of a panic attack, never considering he had wanted to help you through the mine field of your anxiety. You didn't think of that in the moment, no your brain wasn't rational enough to consider that, but who is when they feel like their hold body is giving up on them. You felt like you needed to run as far away as possible to protect you from yourself. With the door locked you sank to floor and gasped loudly, repeatedly, desperately trying to get some air into your lungs. Your body shook intensely and your vision became dark and blurred as you felt your access to oxygen disintegrate before you. You tried terribly hard to bring yourself back to planet Earth, but it felt like this was never going to end. 

It felt like an eternity of rapid heart beats, intense sweating and overwhelming trembling before you felt yourself begin to finally calm down. You had lifted your knees up to your chest and bought your head in between your knees. It had been a technique your dad had taught you when you began experiencing these attacks as a child and it was one of the few things that made you feel grounded and close to him. With the first part of your panic attack subsiding, the nausea and the chest pains made their presence known too and you attempted to ride the wave out as best as you could. You always experienced your attacks in two parts, it signaled that the end was in sight but not without it's own set of troubles. You moved yourself to the toilet bowl as you felt like you were on a ship, rocking back and forth. You were almost certain you were going to be sick, but it never came. You finally felt the whole ordeal subside and you took a big breath in and slowly let it out, just because you finally could. Daveed re-entered your mind and you didn't need to check to know that he had been sat outside and listened to the whole thing. Whenever you experienced this in his presence he always stayed close by but didn't ever invade the space you needed. You knew it was silly but you felt shame creep up your neck, upset by how bad this one had been and you wished for the ground to swallow you up whole. 

Daveed had sat himself on the floor on the other side of the door, listening to you as you sobbed and gasped for breath. In that moment he understood what torture really felt like, if he wasn't helpless before he certainly was now. He racked his brain of ways to calm you down but he was so worried that by talking to you and interrupting your panic it would make it worse. He didn't want to make this worse for you. The only thing he could do, the same as you was wait it out. He was so relieved when he heard the lock click and he stood himself up. 

You couldn't meet his eyes as you came face to face with one another. "What a way to say hello, huh?" You mumbled quietly and he let out an amused breath. He should have known something like that was coming, you often used humour to hide behind. You shuffled out of the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed. Your eyes were glued to the floor.   
"Can I give you a hug?" Daveed asked tentatively, to which you nodded. Daveed wrapped his arms around you, and you turned yourself into his body, resting your head on his bare chest as he held onto your shoulders tightly.

Only seconds into the hug you let out a quiet giggle as the whole situation dawned on you, he looked down at you puzzled by your quick change of demeanour. Your laughter didn't die down and Daveed found himself understanding even though he was still clueless, your laughter became infectious and he laughed into your hair as you laughed into his chest. It was a nice moment of relief.  
"Sorry. It's just we're both still naked and that just really got to me…" You said as you calmed down. "I don't know why, just it all seemed so ridiculous when I realised you were butt naked." When he didn't reply to you, you felt the need to fill the silent air, worried about what he thought of you. "So, what time do we need to be ready for?" you asked tentatively.   
"9:15pm tomorrow, as long as you feel up to it." Daveed replied. You lifted your head up to look at him for the first time. "Don't give me that look Y/n. I wasn't about to make you endure anything more tonight. I text the group, it's already done."   
"But I don't want them to think I am being rude." You murmured, the panic bubbling back up.   
"Hey." He replied and put his hand under your chin to lift you head so you had to look at him. "Forget the world, it can wait until tomorrow." You smiled timidly at the man that you loved more than anything in the world and for the first time since you had arrived in Vancouver you felt like you could breath. "Now will you let me cuddle you until you feel better please?" He asked.


End file.
